Appreciating Life
This morning was one of those really crappy mornings. You can tell I’m being authentic because I never, or try not to, curse so much in my writing, I need to become sellable people. I woke up this morning, got ready for work, my hair looked great, I was wonderfully on time. It was drizzling, and I didn't want to be stuck in traffic, so I decided to walk and take the train. I got all the way to the train station when I looked into my purse, (that I switched for the third time this week) and realized my wallet was nowhere to be found. That small red little f-ing thing, was not in my bag. I stood there like an idiot for two seconds and then bolted home, the water hitting my hair and as it slowly began to frizz up I thought to myself “this is just not my morning.” I called an Uber, and —redacted so I can stay employed—— After finding my wallet in my other coat jacket, I curse about how I need to get a new one, and why hasn't my boyfriend bought me one, I wondered if that one coworker was still out to get me. Eventually my mind slowly eased as —redacted— kicked in, and I walked to the Uber and got in.
I usually don't talk to Uber drivers. They annoy me when they ask how much my rent is, like I don’t need to be reminded that I am paying way to much to live in a shiny box. Ubering in general just kind of highlights my shallowness, because my main motive of talking to drivers in the first place is simply to keep my rating high. Yeah I know it sounds like I’m having the day I deserve. But in this case, the guy was decent looking and nice. And that little bit of kindness actually made a difference. I didn't think it would have. I told him that I was a writer and I also worked at a school, we talked about the genre that I write and my goals. He asked me if I was married and I told him I have boyfriend, (thank you karma, I feel like that was a test from the Universe.) It turned out he was married from Europe, and wanted to go home but wasn’t sure if he could. World War 3. He ended up having 3 kids and he and his wife got married after 5 years long distance. He basically was a real life 90 Day Fiancé candidate. By the time I got to my office I felt better.
Moreover I’ve had an epiphany. No not really, I watched a tik tok. This girl said that you should celebrate one single thing every day. Which really means you should appreciate something about your life every day. I think about the idea that we are in this loop: Where money would prob change a lot, where we are constantly teetering between survival and existence, and where we think the entire world revolves around us, while simultaneously feeling so small. It make me realize, after the couple weeks I’ve had, I think I wanna celebrate that I made it to work and will make it home today. Thus I earn a J, and The Batchelor Tell All.
In all seriousness, I wrote a different blog yesterday, but I figured had it posted, I might get fired. So instead I’ll save it for when I leave, and publish my book, that’s a hint and a manifestation by the way. It was insightful yes, but pretty harsh and a little complain-y. It goes to show the change in perspective a new day can make. I thought about how my grandma would consider the weeks I’ve had, and the morning to top it off. She always had a lot on her plate. She was a judge, she was active in the community, she was in the NAACP, she had a book club, she was a homemaker and caretaker of three kids and a husband, and even up until her death she just never stopped doing things. It’s pretty admirable. She’d probably remind me that there is so much more happening around you than the turmoil that is happening inside of you. From that view, those small setbacks only seem large when they are added. I’d like to think I get my positive social nature from her. Always sticking my hand or nose in something, but I think the difference between she and I is that she had a much better ability to appreciate her life, which was her driving force to do things. She went for things she cared about, despite what people around her said or did. The ability to continue on, no matter what is in front of you, because you appreciate what you have and who you are is by no means easy. My grandma made this look easy, but that is only from experience and true understanding of herself. The difference is it’s what I am still learning. She used to always say ‘the early bird gets the worm.’ She kind of had a way of waking up with a purpose and finding peace through out the day. I think about how life is now, and how it helps to probably look at the glass half full, instead of half empty. When I look back at today, instead of me being super pissed that I left my wallet and had to walk all the way up to my apartment or that my hair looks like shit. I thought about how things worked out. I spoke to someone who's probably got family that could be entangled somewhere in Ukraine or Russia. I think about the idea that people are juggling a million things and the only reason why I'm zeroed in on my own melodrama is because I'm the only person that gets to fully witness it. I learned a bunch of lessons these past couple weeks that include, but are not limited to:
Spending to much money
Not having enough money
Thinking about what you say before you say it
Not all co workers are trustworthy, in fact the majority are not
Sometimes your friends say and do shitty things
Most importantly, it was reiterated that all these small problems, are just pieces to long term lessons that are going to benefit me going forward. When I go back to edit this piece, I won’t remember every single scenario, but the lesson will resonate. I think back to brunch I went to this past weekend at my favorite restaurant Agora. I was in between pieces of pita and dip, when I was trauma dumping all over my friend Bree. I talked about how Saturn is in return, and how my life has been one big lesson after another. In turn she told me about her life, which included losing a wallet, weird exes, car troubles, and loss. As we talked we kind of laughed over our quorums it also made me think of that quote “if you knew everyone else's problems in the world you'd probably take yours back.” And I thought, that's a load of bullshit. There are definitely some troubles I would trade over, but it also made me pretty appreciative. One, that I was sitting across the table from this gorgeous, cool, calm, collected, specimen who just like me had her rough week. It made me realize that the two of us had gone through our own trials and tribulations, that for us seemed emulated, but for others probably seem incredibly small. We were able to make it to brunch, and spend time together, and have an all around pretty good Sunday.
I truly believe there's a level lower than rock bottom and I'd like to think that most of us pity ourselves so much when we're still on the sand floor that we never get there. When I feel low, I think about my grandmother, and how she was always able to appreciate life. Whether it was a snow cone on a really hot day in Natchez Ms, or walking to her old office that she'd retired from years ago, (that still had cigarette smoke embedded in the walls from her coworker — the fact that smoking indoors used to be a thing is still shocking to me.) sometimes it was going to local casino boat, not because she gamble, but because the buffet was pretty good. She just appreciated her life, and found small ways to turn a good day around, which is probably why she wasn't scared of death. Life is long, but fast, so you’ve gotta live for the good and accept the bad. Mostly, because we don't know our future, but we have an idea, and I think the way we react to what we go through kind of molds how we exist in it. To appreciate the experiences, and categorize the inconveniences is the biggest thing I've got to do. If I can find a point to the lessons that I've been learning, I'm pretty sure it's the difference between a pretty decent day and a tougher one.
